I hate the club. Here are 10 reasons...

My best friend and I caught up on each other's lives this past weekend and ended up on the topic of adulting and nightlife after college. After a long introspective conversation, I finally accepted the fact that I am not a nightclub person. There, I said it !! Unless I am there for a birthday or special occasion, you won’t catch me enjoying myself. In fact, it feels more like a burden or chore for me to pretend to have fun at a club. I can’t even blame it on the company I keep, at this point, my actual soul will not accept the nightclub mentality for reasons that hopefully will be clear in this article.

Let me describe the type of club scenes that I despise. It is a compact space where tons of sweaty people congregate to “dance”. It is a space where males hang out against the wall waiting for their perfect female counterpart to spot them, bend right over start twerking on them. There are most times, cigarette, hookah and/or weed smoke everywhere and spilled drinks on the floor causing limited mobility. Last, but not least, because people are constantly invading your personal space, you are consistently being stepped on by someone’s spiky heels.

I get it, at my age, I am supposed to enjoy that scene. Don’t get me wrong, I love to socialize and to have fun. I simply prefer to do that in well-lit spaces, where there are reasonably priced drinks (or better yet, wiiinnneee), SNACKS and where there is more autonomy over music. That being said, I’d rather be at a kickback, bar or a house party.

If the reasons described above were not enough, Here are my 10 reasons why I dislike the nightclub scene.

1. Impedes on my beauty sleep

Look, I stay up past midnight on a regular night, but there is something about club insomnia that I do not like. Most clubs open at 10 pm and close around 2 am. Coming home super late and needing to take a shower but not wanting to because all you want to do is PASS TF OUT? Yeah, No.. it’s annoying. Instead, “Give me my wine, cheese, and a Netflix movie till 3 am, Alex!”

2. Those who really think they can be heard over the blasting music (…men…) annoy me

LOOK, SIR, I can NOT HEAR YOU! At this point you aren’t talking to me, you are talking at me. Unless you are “Idris Alba” cute, cease the small talk because I don’t know who told you I have "super hearing" over this blasting music. Of course, instead of giving this speech, I stand there to be nice but am internally conjuring up ways to immediately stop the interaction.

3. My attitude cannot be fixed on the scene

My attitude shifts immediately as I set foot in a club. Since my attitude isn't right, the men that I seem to attract end up scaring me. No jokes, for real. I sometimes come home depressed and stressed as I wonder if this is what the future holds.

4. The dancing is boring

Alright, let me find a way to say this. I think I can twerk if I am in the mood, but clubs FORCE one to be in that mood. As my friends dance and have fun on the dance floor, I am too busy trying to twist and contort my body away from hands that are trying to grab me towards them.

Hilariously, you know what type of dance I prefer? The 90’s house party dance. YASSSS… They were free and uninhibited!

5. The music could be more diverse

I can usually vibe to everything, but it depends on my mood. I prefer trap when getting ready to go out. Then prefer more90’s hip hop & R&B, EDM or SOCA when to dance.

6. I usually end up disappearing because I need time alone

I actually hate being the only one in my friend group who dislikes the nightclub scene because I want to hang out with my friends every chance that I get. That being said, I usually force myself to go out, but that means while everyone else is having fun around me, I’m usually regretting the decision in my own little corner somewhere or becoming a people watcher.

Then I come back and my friends are like…

7. I don’t like standing in long lines or the unnecessary fees

I am not famous, yet, so I have to wait in LONG lines that I don’t even want to wait in. I start regretting being there the moment I stand behind the 57th person. Nothing quite compares to being in a club line that you have to pay for. I don’t think there is anything that drives me madder than having to pay a cover fee for a club that is usually free!! Whoa, let me not even go there.; my blood is boiling. So on a regular night, unless I know someone who can get me in for the free 99, you probably won’t see me. Also, the random charges for Ubers, coat check, and alcohol are unnecessary abuse to my credit and I’d rather stay home and pay my bills.

8. Standing for so long makes me hungry

It might be my boredom, but I am always hungry. That could possibly be why my attitude is so negative most of the time because I am actually “HaNgrY”. I mean, they could at least have a welcoming bowl of snacks at the door, or better yet for the people WAITING IN THE LINE.

9. The bathrooms are DISGUSTING

Need I say more?

10. I hate ruining my shoes on the sticky dance floor and leaning against sticky walls

Does anyone else feel just gross when you walk into a club? Wow, I am sounding like the Grinch of Clubs Past, but I know y’all feel those shoes sticking to the floor when you are dancing and I think we can agree that it’s not fun.

So, there you go! Those are my 10 reasons why I hate the club scene.

I know there are some who love the club and wish I could share the same sentiments, but I don’t… I wonder if my attitude might change depending on the type of nightclubs I attend? I probably need to expand my search, honestly.

So maybe, I can’t completely write them off just yet.

But here is a challenge:

Whoever can get me to enjoy a club experience, the next drink is on me!