The Forgetful Heart

We are nearing Valentine’s day! For most, it is a day full of lovey-dovey-kissy moments with their significant other, for others it is a day to bask within the love of their friendships, and for some it is a sad day full of hardened memories. As we learn, grow and carry on through life, we will, inevitably cross paths with heartbreak. Now, the context/form of which it is introduced to us might vary, but we will likely experience it.

For me, in my twenty-nine years of life, I have finally realized what makes me such a “sensitive” sally.. or emotional wreck… empathy. I have it, well, a lot of it. Although, I don’t deny my love of this emotion, as it allows me to step outside of myself and experience another’s perspective, it is also such a draining superpower to have. Why, you ask? Well, I think for the longest time, I did not form any boundaries within my empathy. When one fails to do so, it is easier for people to take advantage or for the empathetic one to over compensate.

What does this have to do with heartbreak? hold on, I am getting there… I think. Personally, my empathy is a vessel that has allowed me to love super hard and super selflessly. My empathy runs deep through my veins— it’s a blessing and a curse. “Curse” because when heart break occurs ( whether romantic or platonic), I tend to fully shatter into a million pieces. One day I became a bit distraught over a memory, and I felt myself digging myself into sunken place of sadness, fatigue, and quite frankly, a headache. I needed to understand why, after time goes by, the heart might still yearn for what it has since reconciled?

We are human beings. I am sure most of us forget that. We are beings and souls full of experiences, desires, talents, and the capacity to love. Love, whether the capacity is as small as a mustard seed or as large as the galaxy, is kind of what we all yearn for. Love in the form of mutual understanding, loyalty, commitment, resolute kindness, you name it! So, when you find that love in someone, and then you lose it, it can be tough.

Ok, we get it.. but why the title of “forgetful”. Y’all, be patient!! ( lol…not me talking to myself). When I was distraught over the memory, I started making a pros and cons chart of the past relationship I was mourning, and I found that the cons far far outweighed the pros. I knew that already, of course, but it just felt like my heart was not catching up to my brain…no matter how long time had lapsed. Although, it may have something to do with “closure” or the lack thereof, I also thought about the role that memories play. Sometimes, good memories can trick the heart into believing that the relationship was worth holding onto.

I used to wonder why my heart would long so passionately for someone who was so destructive to it. Despite the bad, it could only remember the good. Then I thought, maybe it was holding onto the exceptional memories so tightly because it was the only way it knew how to release the traumatic feelings of the bad ones. I kept recalling and feeling immense gratitude for the love that was shared within those good and precious moments, totally disregarding how many more moments were filled with pure dread and anxiety. Have you felt that? If so, you know what? That is normal, that’s the nature of the heart.

Well, in this case, a” forgetful” heart.

Keep going, keep loving— even through the heartbreak— because one day, you’ll find someone who won’t trigger your heart to forget.